The Last Minute

The past two weeks have been interesting. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said in exasperation, “Lord, I don’t know what to do?!” We’ve all heard the saying “When in doubt, don’t.” So what do you do when you don’t know what to do?

I prayed, listened, waited, prayed, listened and waited some more. I even brought up to the Lord yesterday that I know He didn’t want us testing Him but to please be patient with me and guide me in the right direction. He wants us to pray His Word so I brought up the Gideon incident where Gideon prayed to the Lord for a sign and was granted his request via a fleece and some dew. All I wanted and needed was a “fleece” moment. I feel like I have spent most of my life screwing up and I needed His guidance.

I was rambling and praying most of the day yesterday and it was something like, “Ok, Lord, if this doesn’t happen, then I’ll assume You meant for me to do this other thing. Just open a door somewhere and I’ll go through it. I need a push in the right direction!”

Allowing my husband to make a tough call yesterday, I was attemping to be submissive (which can be hard for me if I don’t agree with the calling) and I was trying to show God that I could be. He knows my heart and my willingness.

Remember Abraham and Isaac? God told Abraham to take Isaac, his only son, and sacrifice him on the altar. The Bible doesn’t imbelish on what went through Abraham’s mind but just the fact that he moved and attempted to go through what the Lord asked of him, showed he had a willing heart. He was obedient. Right at the last minute, God stopped him and provided a sacrifice that day. And because Abraham was willing and showed obedience, even to the point of sacrificing his only son, God blessed him. Remember, too, that Abraham was no spring chicken. He was over 100 at this point and even in that time, was beyond the age of giving offspring. So, potentially, he could have killed his only son and not been able to have another. Of course, God being who He is, could have risen Isaac back from the dead. Abraham had to have great faith for this act of obedience, don’t you think?

Yesterday, it came down to that for me. I was willing to sacrifice something I loved and be obedient. Yet, God came through for me at the last minute. I thanked Him profusely and humbly. I think sometimes He does that, just to see if we are willing and how obedient our hearts truly are.

There are many times in my life that He has come through at the last minute for me. Are they tests? Could be. Are they pruning of something that needs to be gone? Could be. Only God knows why. We just need to be obedient.

Overanalyze it?

Do you find yourself overanalyzing things?  I do.  Sometimes that’s a good thing and other times, it is just wasted energy. 

The other day as I walked out of a room and back into it, my dog wagged her tail as if I had been gone a long time. She was happy to see me.  It made me think about how God sees us.  I heard a pastor one time say that when we wake up, God is delighted to see us.  He loves us so much that He wants to spend time with us.  Some people are going to take this wrong but let me preface this by saying that the things God created gave us glimpses of His glory and I’m using this as that.  I am not saying that God is like a dog.  I am saying to open your mind and see Him as the loving God that He truly is.

No matter how bad I feel, no matter how bad I look, no matter how bad my breath is…my dog loves me.  She doesn’t care if my hair is messy or if I am wearing make-up. She doesn’t seem to notice. She wags her tail happily as I come into the room and licks my face whenever she can get to it.  I accept that love without question.  Do we accept the agape love from God that He so freely gives us as easily as we do from one of our pets?

How many of us are “hiding” in shame from God because of who we are inside?  Do you realize you cannot “hide” from God?  He knows every intimate detail of your life.  HE created it! He sees everything you do in secret.  He knows your inmost thoughts.  Yet, in spite of all of that, He loves you anyway.  It has NOTHING to do with what you have or haven’t done.  It is who HE is.  He IS love.  He cannot deny Himself. 

He loved us so much that He died a horrible death to redeem us back from sin. 

How many times have you been told “God loves you” and you blew it off?  The love that we share with another soul on this planet pales in comparison to how He feels about you and me.  If we were the only one on this planet, He would have died for us.  He loves us that much.  LET Him love you. I was born and raised in a Christian home.  But it wasn’t until I went through Henry Blackaby’s “Experiencing God” that I realized that I was not “letting” God love me.  I remember when the light bulb went off in my mind, I just cried.  I took the wall to my heart down.  It is a shame and totally about pride when you don’t think you are good enough. God hates pride.

Look at the intricate way you are put together.  Do you really think that happened by chance?  Look at creation and how it works together and has been going and keeps going every day.  The sun doesn’t move out of place.  We have just the right amount of oxygen in our atmosphere not to kill us.  Our God is an awesome God.  He is everywhere all at once. 

Have you ever sat and just studied a cat?  The way the fur grows, all of the colors, how some fur stops at a certain length, how their heads almost do a one-eighty degree turn, the sandpaper tongue…yet you will not find two exactly alike. You will never find two snowflakes alike or two leaves.  Have you ever seen a classroom full of kids draw? Nobody draws the same thing.  Each person is individually created and designed purposefully by God.  God has an amazing, indescribable, unfathomable imagination. 

Sometimes I think about all of the people since the beginning of time that have been created and wonder how He could love and want a relationship with that many people.  My finite mind cannot comprehend some of the great truths of Scripture. 

We see glimpses of God in everything on this earth.  He has given us emotions, just as He has, but only a taste.  We were not given a full dose because we cannot handle it.  One day when we are gone from earth and are living with the Lord, we’ll see everything in the spiritual realm as it truly is.  One TV commercial that comes to mind as an analogy is about an allergy medication.  The screen is not really clear.  It has a film over it.  When you take that medication, the film disappears and you see brilliant colors and everything so clearly.  Even the apostle Paul says that right now we see in a mirror dimly but one day we will see Him just as He is and we will be like Him. 

I spend a lot of time lost in thought pondering the Word and the wonder of God.  It is sometimes during those quiet moments that He gives me a glimpse of Himself.  I love it when He does that!  As a child of God, I think it is OK to overanalyze things.  God is very deep.  He said in His Word that we will find Him when we seek Him with all of our heart.  Are you seeking God today?

Obedience Equals Joy

Last week, in our latest Bible study, our facilitator encouraged us to journal through the study.    I don’t know about you, but personally, I do not like to hand-write.  If you are a lefty like me, you’ll understand.  It doesn’t matter what pen I pick up, I end up with a smeared page and ink on my hand.  The OCD part of me comes out and it drives me nuts.

Beth Moore’s Bible Study “Stepping Up” is a step-by-step journey to draw us closer to God.   Each day is an exciting experience and I don’t want to forget any of it (but I don’t want to write it down, either).  Can you see my dilemma? So, I’ve decided to journal it here.  Maybe some of you can relate to my experiences. 

One challenge we were given was to lie facedown and surrender to God every morning.  Yes, facedown on the floor.  At first, I thought, “How can this make a difference?  I pray every morning anyway.”  It only takes a few seconds and it feels awkward at first, but after last week, I relish it.  Yes, I’ve gotten up with animal fur stuck to my forehead or in cases when I’ve forgotten about my dog in the room, she’s licking my ear feverishly and whining wondering why I am on the ground like that. 

The body in an posture of surrender seems to make the heart and mind follow.  Let me share  something that happened last week with you.

We were getting low on groceries and didn’t have any money.  I knew at some point that I would be getting either some money or a stub for my property management fees, depending on whether they took out my dues or not for the month.  I prayed silently about that check and how much we needed groceries for the week.  I went to the mailbox Thursday and there was an envelope for me with what appeared to be a check in it.  My heart skipped a beat.  I prayed on the way to the house, “Lord, I’m scared to open it.”  But I thought whether it was $25 or $75, I would be grateful and get what we could with it.  Hands shaking, I opened the envelope and it was for $179.  I squealed and shouted, “Thank you, Lord!”  I was grinning from ear to ear! 

My daughter and I headed to WalMart and I got a front parking space (which is not easy!).  I whispered, “Thank you, Lord.”  I cashed my check and we got groceries.  I had a buggy full.  I got what we needed and checked out at $99.  I was estactic!  I grabbed $20 and put it in my pocket. I promised the Lord I was going to tithe off that money and I couldn’t wait until Sunday to be able to put it in the offering.  This time, I was not ashamed of how much I was putting in.  I realized that pride had been holding me back on tithing off my meager income.  Wondering what people were thinking about my small amount and if I was “tipping” God kept me in a state of pride and I didn’t want to be “embarrassed” so I didn’t tithe.  God was trying to show me the error of my ways.

As we pulled out of the parking lot, I told Lindsay that if we obey God and keep his commands, He will bless us.  She, being in the attitudinal-teenage-phase, snapped back at me, “Mom, just because you do something wrong, doesn’t mean God is going to leave you.”  I patiently explained that I didn’t say that God was going to leave me.  I just said that He would not bless us if we continue to blatantly disobey Him.  We had allowed sin in our lives and God had given me the courage to speak up this week and to stop it.  His Word says that if we knowingly allow sin to continue and do not say anything, we are  equally guilty.  He will not honor or bless that.

Sunday morning rolled around and as usual, I had a mental battle as I got out of bed.  Having some physical ramifications from a surgery over ten years ago, I struggled with pain around 5am and tossed and turned until time to get up.  As I got ready for church, the mental temptations kept barraging me.  “You don’t need to be there. There are plenty of people singing this morning.”  “You need a break.”  “You can just go to church, skip Sunday School.”  On and on it went.  Even the high about tithing had gone away.  But I know, as most of you should, especially if you are a female, you cannot go by how you feel.  You should just do what you know is right and leave the consequences to God. 

After I woke up fully, had my shower and got my coffee, all the while steadily praying about what to wear (another female issue), I got it together and headed out the door. 

As I sang Sunday morning, I felt free.  Free to worship and praise the Lord without the burden of guilt, self-loathing and sin hanging on me.  I sang for Him. 

Obedience equals joy…!

Revelation

Our church recently started a new Beth Moore Bible study called “Stepping UP: A journey through the Psalms of Ascent.” When I first heard the title, I thought it sounded rather boring and I had planned to take another Bible study elsewhere.

God, obviously, had other plans. Sunday night I found myself in the study, hungering for a Word from the Master.

Something Beth said that I needed so badly hit me like a ton of bricks. “Insecurity and self-loathing are a form of PRIDE.” Wow! I have been insecure most of my life but lately since joining the praise team and singing in front of the church, that insecurity and self-loathing has just eaten me up.

What a revelation! What freedom! I thought that I was being humble. That is obviously NOT humility, according to the Word of the Lord.

What a difference between Sunday morning and Sunday night. Sunday morning, I could not get it together to save my life. Every time I moved the music stand, papers flew and I could not get off the platform fast enough for the pastor to begin preaching. I was invited out to eat but didn’t have any money so I politely declined and told them that I had to show property. I did show property, but it was later on. I could not get comfortable during the service to save my life. I cried all the way home. All I could think of was that I was a failure and I hated myself for it.

Sunday night, after hearing that Word, I felt so free. I can’t explain it. I am free to worship God and come before Him without shame. I bring what I can “to the table” and He will take care of the rest.

Monday night was our first praise team practice after Christmas holidays and I let go and sang and praised and worshipped God. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time. I was so full of joy, inexpressible joy…that I felt like I was going to explode. I was feeling what Beth describes as “there ain’t no high like the Most High” and I did not want it to end.

As I’m sharing this, a thought occurred to me. Is that what Heaven is like? If so, I cannot wait to get there! What a rush!

I will say this with utmost certainty: God is NEVER boring. He gives us glimpses of Himself and peels back layers as we are ready and I look forward anxiously to His next revelation.

How many parties do you have?

Hunger turned into anger as I stomped through the house last night. No meat. No veggies. No eggs. Basically, nothing to cook. I was eating Ritz crackers and ready to cry. No money either. Finally, I thought of something we could eat: pancakes! We had some mix in the refrigerator. My son graciously cooked them for us and as I sat down to eat, he mentioned that he had the heat on a little to high. I didn’t care as I scarfed them down.

After eating, I glanced at the clock and realized that I was going to be late for our Wednesday night prayer meeting. I ran into the bedroom and quickly changed clothes, brushed my teeth and ran some gel through my hair. “This will have to do.” I thought.  “No make up.  I’m gonna be a scary sight tonight.  Oh well…” 

Driving to church, only ten minutes away, seemed to take forever and I felt like an elephant had sat on my heart.  It was heavy.  I fought tears. I prayed.  “Lord, we are drowning!” 

I came into the back of the chapel as they were singing the last song and was prepared to sit alone.  I wanted to be alone, to sulk, pout and have a pity party alone.  But, my friends saw me come in and called me to their table.  Darn! 

I sat down in that chair as tense as could be and as we sang, I again fought tears.  I took the words of the song, taken from Psalms 119, and put them to use.  “Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory…”   I was not in that church for me, I was there to glorify His name.  The tears that were welling inside, came to an abrupt halt and my spirit lifted as I sang to honor Him. The One who gave His life for mine.

After the message, prayer requests were lifted and our table talked about issues we had and I listened intently as I heard heartache after heartache lifted to God.  One woman was in a bad car accident on Christmas day and lost her daughter.  Another widow suffered in silence trying to raise five children alone in a drafty house without central heat and air. Others were grieving deaths.  Some facing surgery.  Wow…I didn’t say anything at all to my table last night and they noticed and asked if I was OK.  I nodded.  Yes, I am OK.  The Lord has me in the palm of His hand and nobody, nobody can take me out.

I have problems, yes, but not near as bad as others and I should be thanking God that I have a home, hot water, and a family to clean up after.  Instead there are days where I complain because of the mess they make or the house is drafty. 

I am more blessed than the richest person on this planet because I have Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.  I cannot imagine going through life without Him.  He is my Rock.

Oh, the coolest part of my day yesterday?  I met a woman through Facebook who lives in Kenya.  She is a Christian as well.  She sent me a text last night at 1am and mentioned that it was 8am there and wondered what time it was where I lived and how I was doing.  I met a sister in Christ that I will never see this side of eternity. But thanks to the God-given talents of those that invented technolgy that we have today, I have met her virtually.  I just love “meeting” new people. 

Instead of having pity parties, let’s pray for one another.  There is always somebody else worse off that we are at this moment.  We are so blessed. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for Your loving care and watching over our lives.

Where is God??

As I’m drinking my morning coffee, my dog is lying next to me snoring, jerking and twitching.  I glance over and wonder what she’s dreaming about.  I turn back to my laptop and sigh.  My heart is heavy.   It’s two weeks from Christmas and I don’t even know where I will get grocery money, much less Christmas presents.  I have a tree only because a friend of mine had extras and loaned me one so I could at least decorate.

I have applied for jobs on Craig’s List (which are all scams, by the way).  I have been searching and applying on legitimate sites regularly for the past year or so.  The job marked is so saturated.  I’ve had maybe 3 interviews, all of which didn’t pan out.  Real Estate is all but dead.  Mary Kay sales are few and far between.  My husband is on salary, so he can’t pick up overtime.  Again, sighing, I am trying not to cry.

You know, Christmas just keeps reminding me of how broke we really are.  My daughter stopped me in the hall the other day and says, “Mom, I know what I want for Christmas. Another blanket and lots of candy.”  My heart sank.  Where was I even going to get money for that?  For a teenager, that is a very small request.  I would love to be able to do that for her. 

We just wrapped up our three night production of our Christmas dinner theater at church and it was so much fun.  Every night was something different, whether it was forgotten lines or comedic relief from the impromptu acting of one of our Sunday School teachers. 

It seems like every devotional I read or sermon I hear is how God is always there, working on our behalf, whether we see Him or not.  I know He is trying to tell me this and deep down, I know this very well. 

But yet, I can’t help but be hurt and frustrated at this situation.  I don’t know what’s going on in the spiritual realm.  He doesn’t afford me that luxury.  Is He trying to get my attention?  He already has that.  What if He’s trying to get the attention of another one of my family members?  What if it has nothing to do with us? When will this be over?  When will He show up and “save the day?”  Or will He show up at all?  Why won’t He open a door for me to get a job? And on and on the questions go….

I know He never promised that this life would be easy.  We live in a fallen world.  Life will only be perfect on the other side of eternity. 

You know what I love? I love to read the Psalms. The psalmist was blatantly honest with God. He poured out his heart. God didn’t strike him dead.  Instead, God longs for us to be honest with Him. He knows what we are feeling anyway. Maybe He’s trying to get me to be that honest.  More often than not, I bottle up my feelings and suck it up and go on.  Or like yesterday, lay down to take a nap just hoping that when I awake, I will not be so broken hearted. That usually works—temporarily.  Or I’ll eat chocolate. It’s soothing to the palate, yet not so much when I look in the mirror.

We can’t hide from pain, no matter how hard we try.  I guess that’s why so many people end up alcoholics or drug addicts. 

You know, I guess that is why one of Jesus’ names in Scripture was the “Balm of Gilead.”  He soothes our broken hearts. He puts salve on our wounds. He is Wonderful, Counselor and Prince of Peace.

Where is God in all of this?  He’s here. He’s carrying us through the tough times. He’s loving us in spite of ourselves and our brokenness. He’s working on our behalf, whether we see it or not.  Romans 8:28 states that “He CAUSES all things to work together for good.”  You can’t “cause” something without being active. Think on that.

In the Flight Path of Geese

It’s cold and rainy outside and a Saturday at that.  I awoke early this morning and an inaudible voice compelled, “Meet with Me.”  I somewhat wanted to but started to argue, “I’ll pray when I lay back down” knowing full well that I would fall back asleep before I got a few lines out.  It’s too early. But it will be quiet. You won’t regret it. Why am I arguing with myself about meeting with God?  He delights in me, says the Psalmist. He wants to spend time together…alone – without all of the family, animals, TV, phones, and computers. The God who created the universe wants to meet with me.

So, I stumbled down the hall and into the kitchen, gave the dog her morning treat and ushered her out the door. The cats ambled up wanting their treats as well so I obliged them.  As they munched and purred, I pulled the coffee out of the cabinet and put on a pot.  I opened the blinds and the gray day met my eyes. This is a day for reading, snuggling by a fire or sleeping, I thought.  According to the weather, it is supposed to rain all day.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the coffee is ready. I pour myself a cup, put some french vanilla creamer in it and sit down on the sofa.  I opened my laptop to glance at my email to make sure nothing urgent needed attention, closed it and grabbed my Bible off the end table. 

I have three different devotionals so I usually read one that is just for women/mothers and gain some encouragement. Then I will pick up another to have a starting point in Scripture.  More often than not, I’ll read more than the passage required because I am getting so much out of it.

The back door was still open as I began to read and then I heard them.  There is a huge gaggle of Canadian Geese that live down the street in our neighborhood pond.  Every morning they fly over the house headed out to wherever they go for the day.  Each evening, they come back.  Sometimes there are three different sets that fly over.  These birds are amazing to watch, even if it is in brief. The “V” formation they fly in and their squawking gets my attention every time.  This morning, I didn’t see them but heard them as they chatted noisily amongst themselves and flew over my house.  I smiled.  God created these gorgeous creatures and I never tire of hearing them or seeing them.  They always put me in awe of my Creator.   God knows that I love them and He woke me up early to meet with Him and to enjoy His creation, as He does. 

We read in Scripture that God loves us.  But it never occurred to me until hearing Beth Moore this week that God is kind to us.  He actually wants to be nice to us.  For some reason, that brings God into a whole different light in my mind.  I will never completely fathom all that we mean to Him.  I am still trying to comprehend why He delights in us. 

Being in the flight path of the geese may not mean anything to you, but it means a lot to me.  It is a gentle reminder of the gracious kindness of a loving God and that He is in control.  Even if bad things come our way, He reminds us that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord. There is a reason, a purpose for everything. Including you.

Sex, Celibacy and Monogamy…Oh my!

Does it ever strike you as odd that advertisers seem to use sex to sell anything?  Unfortunately, in the society in which we live, sex sells or rather I guess I should say lust sells. How depraved we have become. Sex is not the whole reason for living.   I get disgusted watching TV because it seems that every single show has to have something sexual in it.  Do we, as a society, actually talk to one another like that or is TV trying to push a liberal agenda to get us thinking that it is OK to degrade one another?

God created sex in a marital environment so that the man and woman could share an intimacy with each other and no one else.  It brings pleasure and procreates.

It is still not the entire reason for living.  In marriage, it actually plays a small role compared to the rest.  What happens if your mate becomes paralyzed or dysfunctional?  Does that end the marriage?  Of course not. But how many people today actually honor their marriage vows?  “For better or for worse, in sickness and in health…” 

Jesus taught to esteem others better than ourselves.  It’s kind of hard to do that if you get frustrated with a mate who cannot “service” your needs and you seek fulfillment outside of the marriage.  You’ve broken that trust and committed adultery. 

The world has tried to ingrain in our psyche that we cannot live without sex when the truth is, yes…we can.  True love is a commitment, not a feeling.  You married for better or for worse and seemingly the “worse” is here.  Your spouse cannot function.  How do you handle it?  Think if it were you.  Would you want your spouse to just give up on you and go find someone else?  How selfish would that be?  Don’t berrate your spouse because they have a physical issue and cannot perform. If you are loved, cherish it.  Do you know how many people are in an unloving marriage?

I used to think that older couples who slept in separate beds was horrible.  I see now that being able to sleep while your spouse snores like a freight train in another room is coping.  I used to think that being celibate after a certain age was a death sentence.  I was wrong.  God has given me the grace to get through this just as He does any other “obstacle” that may come my way.

How do you do it? Stop listening to songs about romance and sex.  Refuse to watch anything on TV that has sex in it. When a scene comes on in a movie that has a couple having sex, leave the room until that scene is over.  Focus on the Lord and what He wants.  Stay in His Word.  He will give you the grace to get through it.

Life goes on….even without sex.  There is beauty in so many every day things. Look for the beauty.  It is there!  God is giving you a gift of life every day.  Cherish it. Serve Him.

Black Friday

When you think of “Black Friday” what comes to mind?  Of course…the Friday after Thanksgiving with all of the sales and mad-dash, crazy, early morning shopping with thousands of your closest friends…or somewhere in that vicinity.

I had a different kind of black friday and maybe you’ve been there or are there right now. 

I spent most of the day beating myself up over past failures.  The enemy wanted me black and blue and in a non-functioning capacity and for some reason, I let him.  I have been forgiven by the Lord yet I could not seem to forgive myself and let it go.  My past kept coming back again and again to haunt me.  Been there?

I didn’t do the usual “if only” chants in my mind.  It was more like spending time feeling like the biggest failure on the planet.  As a mother, I felt like I had let my kids down.  As a wife, a failure because I had not been able to help my husband provide for this family and have made poor choices along the way.  A failure as a Christian because I have let God down (not that we ever could—He knows what we are going to do before we do it and nothing surprises Him).   But yet, in my mind, that broken record of “you’re a failure” and “you’re a screw up” kept playing over and over.

This morning I kicked myself around some more.  I spent time wondering and praying and crying.  We may lose our home.  So are millions of other Americans, big deal.  It IS a big deal to me. But yet I felt so much like I was dealing with this problem alone.  My husband seemed to just go on about his day and nothing bothered him.  God didn’t seem to answer me.

I have a few close friends that know what is going on and one suggested I go to the church and ask for help.  NOT what I wanted to hear or do.  At first I thought it was pride keeping me back but it is more like shame.  After prayerful consideration, I contacted the person that is head of that department and was told there is a process to go through. OK. Got that out of the way and cried some more.

As I read posts on Facebook about shopping excursions, my heart sank more and more because I didn’t have any money to shop, much less put gas in my van for the week.  I had to borrow money from my son to pay a bill and then when I went to pick up prescriptions, they were way more than I anticipated and it just added to the stress.

My other friend seems to think that all of this has nothing to do with me and that God is dealing with someone else through this situation.  My husband?  My kids?  I don’t know.  This is such a test of trust and faith in God.  He only promised our daily bread and it is hard for me to function at that level. 

I have been trying to get a job as an administrative assistant but was told yesterday in a round about way that “no, you’re not getting one.  It’s not that easy.”  He is not going to give me an easy “fix” financially.  Sure, having a steady income every two weeks would fix a lot of things but would it increase my dependency and faith on Him?  No.  

This afternoon another friend brought an artifical  Christmas tree over for me to use since we didn’t have one. Ours had a short in it last year so I tossed it.  I didn’t have the money to buy another one.   I was having so much of a pity party that I almost didn’t put it up.  As I started going through the ornaments, memories began to flood back of previous Christmas’ and a reminder that each ornament held a special place in my heart.  My spirit began to lift and I put on some Christmas music and sang along. 

You know, I may not know what the future holds but I know WHO holds the future and in order to survive this troubling economy, I have to trust Him.  He is sovereign and He is in control.  I need to make a choice to not wig out and try to fix it myself.  I can only do so much.  But, I can pray.  I love that verse in 2 Timothy1:7 that says, “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of self-discipline.”  Isn’t God awesome?

Be blessed in the Lord!

Sheila

 

Does it really say that??

I grew up in church and Sunday school and was in a Christian school all of my life.  My parents ensured that I was there every time the doors were open.  One would think that I was totally grounded in the Word and in my faith.  Not necessarily so.

I was in the legalistic generation of the seventies and by the time I graduated high school in 1983, I wanted out of that environment.  It took me two years to figure out who I really was and what I believed.  Of course, I was a believer in Christ…of that much, I was certain.  The rest was a gray area.  I wanted to know what other churches did and why.  I was hungry for truth and not man-made laws (no movies, no pants on women, if it was fun—it was sin, etc.) 

It wasn’t until I took a “Precepts” class at church one year that I began to see how deep the Scriptures were and that every period and comma were there intentionally.  My hunger for the Word increased and I bought a study Bible.  I read it through for the first time in my life.  I wanted to see what God’s Word said for myself.  I figured if I died and went to Heaven, Jesus would probably wonder why I never read His love letter to us.  I didn’t really stop and study it but wanted to read it.  Things I didn’t understand, I went to online commentaries.  I think I read it in about four months.  I had to keep running my family out of my bedroom so I could read.  Satan used every interruption in the book to try to get me to stop, including my kids rolling their eyes at me because they “needed” me.  Not really.  They don’t bother me if I’m sitting in front of the TV or on the computer.  But if I’m trying to get closer to the Lord by reading or studying, they are all over me. 

After studying a few “Precepts” with Kay Arthur, I was introduced to Beth Moore studies by a friend and I have been soaking them up as much as I can.  I’ve learned so much in the last year.  It is amazing how God will peel back layer after layer of Himself as He knows you are ready to handle deeper truths. 

One verse that I have often quoted was Psalms 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”    I have read it as “delight in the Lord and He will give you what you really want.”  That’s not what it says.  We often misinterpret Scripture because we do not truly read it as it says and allow the Holy Spirit to show it’s true meaning.  I did not catch how I had been reading it until Dr. Charles Stanley said something one day about that verse and it hit me like a brick wall. 

It literally says to delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  HE will give you proper desires, not sinful ones.  The desire of our heart should be to please Him in all our ways.  He will purge our old desires and replace them with ones that please Him.  His purpose for us is to make us more like Christ.  Our human nature has to die first.  The more we read Scripture and take it word by word and let Scripture interpret Scripture, then we are on the right path to understanding Him and what He wants for us.

Don’t ever think that you will figure God out.  He’s too multi-faceted and deep for that.  Even King David couldn’t figure Him out.   But, really….do you want to?  I mean, think about how boring of a god we would have if we could figure him out. If we could figure him out, he wouldn’t be God.  I like that He keeps me wondering and pondering and searching.  He reveals something new everytime and it delights my soul. Only He can satisfy us like that.  Only He can fill that void inside of you.  Only He can bring pure joy.

Be blessed in the Lord!

Sheila