Bragging on the wonderous works of my God

Archive for January, 2012

One of Those Moments

This morning while driving to work, I was listening to some music and a song took me back to almost a year ago when my Daddy lay dying in Hospice. The week was so vivid and long and I will never forget it. 

But the exact moment that the song took me to was the time when Daddy died.  Me, my sister and my Mom were all curled up in chairs sleeping beside his bed.  We had gotten him into a private room down a quiet hall so he could rest peacefully and comfortably with a ceiling fan moving the air above him as he struggled to breathe.

I don’t remember falling asleep. I just remember being woken up with Mom telling me, “Sheila, he’s gone.”  The first thought in my head and out my mouth was that there were angels in that room while we were sleeping. They escorted him home to be with the Lord.

At that thought, I burst into tears.  I miss my Daddy.  Of course, I find myself thinking about him often.  I just hate it when it is on the way to work and I walk in with red eyes and a rudolph nose. I work with a bunch of guys and they don’t know what to do when a woman’s crying.

I know that I’ll have those occasional moments when it brings me to tears missing him. It just makes me hurt for my Mom.  They made it to their 50th wedding anniversary and he passed away a couple of weeks later. 

But that’s the great thing about knowing Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior.  Death is only a “see you later” part of life. I’ll see my my Daddy again.  🙂

Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride

January 5, 2012 – – I can’t seem to get out of this mental funk.  I think maybe it is seasonal.  We live in this “Mr Toad’s Wild Ride” from October through December with all of the holidays and mass marketing and stress and then BOOM!  It’s over and back to “Life As We Know It.”   I prayed about that on the way home today.  I need to get out of this slump.  When I get this way, I tend to make poor choices and temptation is pushing for me to upgrade my phone.  I don’t need the iPhone 4s.  I have the iPhone 4.  I keep trying to convince myself that this would help out Daughter-in-Law because she just got a phone and broke hers and then I could give her mine.  I just don’t want an extra $200 to pay next month on my bill.  I am still debating this one.

On a side note, my dog has bad breath. It’s a basset hound thing.  When she yawns and you happen to walk into that area, it’ll just about knock you down.

I went to see the chiropractor yesterday.  The girl that did my ultrasound hit a spot on my lower left that was super tender.  My right leg keeps trying to go back to its old painful ways.  Doc told me to keep exercising/stretching it.

I did try that this morning.  Wasn’t comfy, but did it anyway. I need to get up at 6am instead of 6:30 to get to work on time. We’ll see how that works.

Tomorrow I need to have my battery checked out. My van is acting again like it doesn’t want to start. Yay…always something.

January 24, 2012 — I am home from work today. My stomach has been acting up for days but today it was the worst.  I couldn’t leave the house so here I am.  It’s better now.  I was able to eat lunch and all’s well.  I have enjoyed the quiet house today. Hallmark Man is on his way home from work and it won’t be long before the TV gets turned on and the noise begins.  At least I have a room in the house I can go where it is quiet.  We set up this room this past weekend for my step-daughter and grandkids to sleep in and I love it.  I’ve taken it over as my Bible study room.

Another random side note, I was finally able to buy size 20 pants this past week.  I got two of them.  Apparently Good’s was having a sale Sunday, buy one get one for $1.  I found out about it 30 minutes before they closed.  It would have taken me that long to get there.  I really needed some new shirts but didn’t want to pay a fortune since I am still losing weight.

And Friday night my van almost left me at the gas station so Hallmark Man chivalrously got a battery for me and put it in the van. The next item will be brake pads. They are squealing.

Last but not least, I am so thankful for the country in which I live.  We are able to get so much via media for Bible study.  I love my iPhone.  I have so many versions of the Bible on it along with Bible study material and Bible study tools.  It is so awesome!  I find that it sets my frame of mind in the morning if I study first.  If I put God in authority over my life and my day and let Him control my reactions, my day is not so stressful.  Even with all of the issues that cause wild rides, He brings me safely through.

Moving Day

Today is moving day at the office. Of course, the guys (and the forklift) are doing the heavy lifting.  I brought gloves and am ready to pitch in.  Just waiting on the boss to say so.  I feel helpless sitting at this desk but I know he wants me here to answer phones.  I kind of like the idea of a chivalrous boss.  He thinks men should do heavy lifting.  Works for me.  I don’t have the muscles they do. lol

This weekend was interesting in my next phase of weaning off of any meat that is not organic. I am on day 4 and I’ve noticed that the inflammation in my hip is going away, slowly, but it is going away.  Yesterday, I had two raw organic eggs for breakfast, and pinto beans and non-GMO long grain brown rice and organic onions for lunch and dinner.  This morning, I again had two two organic eggs and I cooked two organic hamburger patties for lunch and threw in some raw organic broccoli to go with it.  Almonds are readily available if I get hungry.

I woke up yesterday with a pinch in my upper back so bad that I tried everything to ease it:  prescription meds, heat, ice, TENS unit but nothing worked.  We went to Walmart for a few items and then stopped by my son’s house to let him pop my back.  He’s really good at it.  He told me I should teach Hallmark Man how to do it.  I’ve tried.  He sucks at it.  🙂

The upper part of my back popped like nothing I’ve ever felt but WOW! it felt better immediately.

It is sore in that area this morning. I guess the strain on the muscle was intense.  I put ice on it before I came to work.

It will be awesome when I can finally stop taking pain meds.  I am either taking Alleve or Tylenol to take the edge off of the pain in my hips but I believe in a couple of weeks, that will be no more.

After much prayer, research, and talking with Hallmark Man, I will stay on my anti-depressants. It works for me. Dysthymic disorder is not curable and the meds are working, so I will just plug along. I don’t cry at the drop of a hat, which is awesome.  I’m not having panic attacks.  I don’t have phantom pain.  There is a mile long list of symptoms of dysthymia that I had totally forgotten about until I started researching it again.  I don’t want to go back there. I’ve spent most of my life there. Until I get my heavenly body on the other side of glory, I’ll adjust to this one and try and listen to it to know what is best for me.

 

 

January Blues

January 1, 2012 – – Well, we’ve reached 2012.  Some would call it a milestone. I just feel like it’s another day.  Yesterday, while I showered and got dressed, I felt the Spirit speaking to me.  I had always wondered what my “fruit” was and yesterday, He told me.  Through teaching my step-daughter about Jesus, she is now actively involved in church and her youngest, Dekoda, was telling my step-son’s girlfriend, Kaitlyn, about Jesus.  How awesome is that?

I was soooo relieved yesterday to hear Beth Moore talk about her “wild man” husband, Keith.  She told us he goes to church when HE wants to.  She couldn’t make him do anything.  But it didn’t stop her from going, of course.

So, I felt like I had been sitting around here wallowing in self-pity for a year, waiting on Hallmark Man to make up his mind.

So, still struggling with the submission thing, I was praying in my heart about church.  I sensed the Spirit telling me to confront Hallmark Man head-on about it.  So, after wrestling with that for a bit, I finally asked him, “Ok. I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to be honest with me.”  He just stared blankly at me.  “Do you want to go to church or do you really just not care?”  I was hoping he would say he didn’t care and I could go back to MY church family.  I didn’t get that answer.  “I want to go to church.  I just haven’t found one I like.”  Well, Lord…now what??  He can’t find one he likes sitting on his butt on Sunday mornings playing video games.  

I can’t just up and leave him(did that for a year) if he wants to go (but I don’t see an effort here).  Why should I be the one to come up with the ideas???  Isn’t HE supposed to be the spiritual leader of the household??  I am the one to submit.  Yet, I am feeling guilty about not being in church.  I miss seeing the same faces on Sunday morning and Sunday night.  Wednesday night always made me uncomfortable.  I don’t know why churches insist on having small table groups and “everybody pray” (awkward) or come to the altar and pray if you feel led (even more awkward silence).  I know typically Wednesday nights are smaller crowds—not even a crowd–should say “group.”   Wednesday nights are hard to get to church. That is when I am usually the most tired.  Half the work week is over and I am ready to sleep.  What is it with Baptists and Wednesday nights???

Ok. I am rambling here but that’s how I feel.  Needed to get that out there.

I know I am losing weight still but feels like it is taking forever.  My leg is better.  I think squatting down to feed the little miniature dachshund behind us has actually strengthened it.

My size 22 black jeans are baggy.  I am thinking about trying on some 20’s at Wal-Mart this weekend—IF I can find any.  I looked before and couldn’t.  I may be stuck with the 22s for a bit longer.  Maybe I can go to the thrift store and find some decent pants to get me through. I hate to pay full price for pants I’ll shrink out of.

You know, maybe I should write in this journal in the mornings. I have more on my mind then.  By the time the evening comes, my mind is toast and I am fighting with my attention to the TV for it.

Next month is going to be hard on Mom.  Their wedding anniversary and the anniversary of his death will be here.  Can’t believe it’s almost been a year since he’s been gone. I miss him, but I know not like Mom does.  She’s all alone.  She needs a dog.  I don’t know what I would do without mine. She is so much company.  I get the attention from her that I don’t get from my husband.  I know he gets jealous of her but she does things that I like to do and he won’t.  Some days I get lonely and I don’t like more than 2 days off.  I can’t stand not having something to do.  I know…I’m weird.

 

Goodbye 2011

December 23, 2011 – – This week has flown by.  Yesterday, Boss bought steaks and we had a delicious Christmas lunch.  He has been sick this week and I’ve been gargling with salt water and taking extra vitamins.   I went toSavannah and got my next Bible study—To Live Is Christ (the story of Paul) by Beth Moore.  I got two front tires for the van from JJ’s for $80 installed. Not bad for used tires. Beats the ones I was driving around on.  I went over to Mom’s and surprised her.  We went to WalMart and the Dollar Tree.  I enjoyed hanging out with her.  It’s been a while.

December 24, 2011 – – Christmas Eve.  My favorite time of year.  The excitement is still in the air.  Hallmark Man grilled steaks and they were delicious.  I took some pieces to the little miniature dachshund that lives behind us.  She’s so sweet.  Her people are out of town so I know she enjoyed the treat.  I tried to sit out in the swing and just enjoy spending time with the Lord and enjoying the starry night view but she wouldn’t have it. She barked and screeched at me to get me to come over and talk to her some more.  I couldn’t do it.  My legs are giving me a fit from squatting down and talking to her as it is.

December 25, 2011 —  I love all of the hype and mystery and excitement right up until Christmas day and then I get so down.  Not sure why.  I hate the drive to my sister’s house and hate the drive home.  I love being with my family but it is all just one big let-down.  I wish I could change that part of me.  I think back to when I was a child and when Mom finally told me there was no such thing as Santa (I was 12), it ruined Christmas for me from then on out. It took away the “magic.”  I know that Christmas is the celebration of Christ’s birth.  He is the best gift of all.  I really enjoyed giving gifts this year.  I didn’t go overboard, just something for the kids.

But now it’s over.  Sort of. Still have New Year’s Eve to go then it is really over.  It’s not like I have to go “back to the old grind” or wish I had more time off.  Quite the contrary. I love my job and get bored staying at home.

I know this morning I woke up in a funk because of weird dreams about work and church. I really, really miss church.  I like being a part of the body of Christ.  They are my family, too.  It’s been a year since I’ve been to FBC.   I miss them terribly.

But as for all of the holidays and the goodies and treats, the Lord has been with me and steered me from temptation. If I think about it too hard, I get down.  I do enjoy my sister’s blueberry crunch.  I love macaroni and cheese.  But they don’t love me.  It is not good for my body to eat that stuff.

December 29, 2011 – – I can’t believe this year is almost over.  The Lord has carried me through so many valleys this year: Daddy’s death; Justin’s death; My sciatic nerve problem; Hallmark Man almost dying from a necrotic appendix; root canal (I know…but trust me, I HATE them.   I got nauseated and felt like I was going to pass out numerous times during the procedure).

I have my dream job, my dream house, my dream dog (even though she is spoiled rotten and has the worst breath…I love her) and I am really enjoying just being with Hallmark Man and no drama.

I need to be in a size 20, possibly 18 pants but I’ll keep wearing the ones I have until next payday.  I almost hate to buy brand new because I will “shrink” out of them soon.  Oh well, if they keep up nicely, I can donate them to the Manna House.  Usually my clothes are too worn and frazzled to donate.  I am not a clothes horse, my walk-in closet is rather spaciously empty.  :-)Maybe when I actually enjoy shopping for clothes, I may have more, not sure yet.  I have always been one to have a couple of pairs of jeans, a couple of pairs of khakis, maybe two or three pairs of shorts and that’s it.  We don’t do seasonal clothing around here so my shirts go year round with everything.  Just add a jacket and VOILA!

I was doing my push ups tonight and stomach crunches and my goofy dog was licking my face as I sat up, making me laugh.  Of course, it’s ok.  I can always use a laugh. She brightens my day.

Still miss my church family….  This is the point where I wish Jesus would sit down and talk with me about that.  I don’t know what to do. ~sigh~

Contemplations

December 8, 2011 — – Miss Girl, my spoiled rotten basset hound,  got me up at 1:30 to go to the bathroom. Yes, I know her name is weird. It’s kind of a nick-name.  I always add “Miss” or “Mister” before a dog’s name when I’m talking to them and “girl” just followed behind so fluently that it stuck.  She answers to it.  She acts like the diva/drama queen name it is so we left it.  But as for getting up at 1:30am,  I am ready for a full night’s sleep. My brain doesn’t function properly without lots of sleep.

I have gone a 2nd night without pain spasms and a 2nd day without spasms at my desk. It’s been great.  I hope it stays that way!

December 9, 2011 – – I went to WalMart after work and walked around and didn’t have any pain so I stuck around and just enjoyed walking and browsing!  It was awesome!I’ve finally gotten back into some of my size 18-20 size shirts. I’ll be glad when my butt follows suit and my HUGE arms.  🙂

December 10, 2011 – –  Another gray and gloomy weather weekend. Oh well. I’m going to color my hair today and bathe the dog (she stinks!) So after I bathed the dog, I went outside and spoke to the little miniature dachshund that lives behind us. She is so adorable.  Poor thing, she was shaking so badly. It was cold outside and she was cold.  I put some birdseed on the ground (for the deer and the mourning doves).  I saw fresh deer skat so I know they came to visit last night or early this morning, looking for food.

I trimmed the dog’s toenails and gave her some cheese and then took some pieces to the little dog behind us.  She likes cheese, too.  It breaks my heart to see her cold and crying. I wish I could warm her up. Her little toenails are so long they are curving. I think since they had a baby, the dog got tossed outside.  It is just so sad.  I prayed for her before I did my Bible study today.

It is so funny that Beth Moore spoke on yielding to others, being merciful, etc. because that was what I had talked to the Lord about earlier this week when Boss mentioned the business growing and hiring someone else to sit at the front desk and answer phones and do purchasing.  I really like being in an office full of men.  There’s no pretense, competition or jealousy going on like it typically does with women.  I can be myself and not think about it.  But He answered me with this study today.  I do need Him to heal my insecurity and my mind. I thought back just a few years ago at how immature my thought process was and each year, He’s healing it little by little.  The Lord can do amazing things if we just let Him.

December 12, 2011 – Yesterday was rough. Had a migraine that just about made me sick before I finally went to bed to get some relief.

Migraine is gone but I am still fighting the Christmas issue with food.  Boss brought in some dark chocolate peppermint bark that looked amazing. I want some Christmas cookies but I know me.  If I start eating one, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. I am like an alcoholic but with sweets.  No can do. Not even a little bit.

I’ll be glad when Christmas is over.  The “in your face” sweets will be gone.

December 18, 2011 — A co-worker’s wife introduced me to “The Pioneer Woman” via Facebook and I didn’t quite get it. This week, she sent a book to work with him for me to read.  I started reading her (the Pioneer Woman—a.k.a. Ree Drummond) story Saturday afternoon and finished it Sunday afternoon.  Best love story I ever read.  It was real. It didn’t have a ton of sex in it.  It reminded me of why I fell in love with my husband all those years ago and I still love him.  She has a show on Food Network and Hallmark Man and I watched her Christmas special this morning.  I just don’t think I could ever love cooking that much.  The prime rib looked good, though.  🙂

I noticed today that my size 22 jeans are loose.  Yippeeeeee!

Yesterday, I added a couple of things to my stretching routine—stomach crunches and floor push-ups.  My triceps were burning!  Still having issues with the sciatic nerve but not as bad.  I just really wish that I could get out of emptying the packages/pallets when they come in.  That does not help at all.  Bending, bending, climbing, stooping, climbing and more bending.  It aggravates my thigh and sciatic nerve for days.

It’s a cold, quiet Sunday evening.  I’m loving being at home with Hallmark Man and my dog.  All of us nestled up in comfy clothes with the lit Christmas tree glowing softly nearby.  We took our coffee table to Son’s house earlier. He needed something to put his TV on in his “game room” and I needed to get that out of the living room.  It was just crowding things. Now the room is much more “spacious” looking.  The furniture isn’t all crammed together.

I want to get them some things to help decorate their house.  Their living room is so sparse and naked.  I thought about a plant but between Chewy and Griz (their new golden retriever puppy), the plant wouldn’t stand a chance. Rubbermaid containers?  Crock pot?  Mirror for the wall?  I’ll have to think on that.  🙂

The Next Phase

Yesterday while I was half asleep, cooking my eggs for breakfast, I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to text my best friend to see if she wanted to go to lunch.

I thought it was because we hadn’t been to lunch in about 6 months and she needed someone to talk to.  Of course, I always enjoy talking with her.  But we had an interesting conversation that left me re-thinking my health strategies.

She had texted me that she went veggie and would explain at lunch.

So the first thing I asked was, “So, tell me about the veggie thing.”

She had been in a lot of pain in her lower back to the point where she was not sleeping at night. She had even asked me at one point who I went to for chiropractic visits. I had assumed she went there.  Wrong.  She had been reading about the problems with eating meat with hormones in it and the effects they were having on us as humans. So, she decided to try it for 7 days.  She was eating whole grains, veggies and fruit. Fourteen days later, she was a new woman.  No pain. She was even having extensive female issues and almost had surgery. That disappeared as well.  All because of hormonally injected meat.

While we were at the restaurant, I ate their steak fajita meat (which, was not organic, I’m sure).  I researched raw foods, hormone issues with meat and veggie diets all afternoon and into the evening. I told my husband about it.

I decided then and there that if the meat was not organic, I would not eat it.  No more bacon or sausage or roast for me.  I can’t find that organic here where I live anyway.  I’m going to try it for 7 days to see if my hip/sciatic inflammation goes away.  Chiropractic visits are not making a difference.

I even stopped by the grocery store last night and got more cans or organic beans (kidney, black, pinto) and some non-genetically manufactured whole brown rice.  I’m going to interchange that in with where my regular meat used to be.

I woke up this morning, limping almost.  My hips were acutely inflamed again.  It had to be the meat. I ate eggs this morning, no bacon…no sausage.  I brought organic hamburger patty and organic raw broccoli for lunch.

I called my BFF to tell her what was going on. She is excited about our new phase.  Once my inflammation goes away, I can walk again. Right now, I can walk to the end of the driveway and back and that’s about it.  I am ready to step it up. I prayed about it all morning.  I asked for wisdom and help with this next phase.  Being born and raised in the South in the fast-food, fried generation, this will be a challenge to figure out how to prepare meals without cooking (except beans and rice and organic meat).  I want to try to eat as much raw as I can. I keep almonds at my desk and at home in case I get hungry. On to the next phase we go!

And, “I can do ALL things through Christ Who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13

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