Bragging on the wonderous works of my God

Posts tagged ‘depression’

Changes

I’ve been on a social media sabbatical, so to speak for a little while now.  I didn’t want to blog.  I quit playing games on Facebook.  I almost quit Facebook altogether but I didn’t.  I just felt “tied down” to these items and I needed a breather.

You know what I discovered?  I really don’t miss Facebook games at night (or trying to harvest crops on my lunch break).

I am still going to keep my account and friendships (although I’ve downgraded to real friends, not just gaming acquaintances that I’ve accumulated).  I still post my daily Scripture verse and anything in the world of health/organics that could help somebody.  Other than that, I’m not on it much.

I’ve been free from anti-depressants for over 30 days now.  I don’t miss them either. :-)l   All I can say is Praise the Lord!  He is the only One Who could have ever gotten me this far.  He’s helped me go from 286 lbs to 195, so far.  I’m still journeying on that one.  It will be a while before I reach my ideal body weight but it really didn’t start out as a diet to lose weight.  It was a lifestyle change to get healthy.  I’m just going to say “Only God.”  Only God could have done what He’s done with me. 

My husband and I are closer than ever before.  We are both studying God’s Word, getting closer to Him.  It makes a HUGE difference in your marriage, let me tell you.

If you don’t think that God can make a difference in your life, I’m living proof He can.  I look back at my life a year ago and I am amazed.  He’ll only do it if you let Him.  He will never force Himself on you. 

And, a word to the wise, it does not happen overnight.  I remember as vivid as it was yesterday, in 2004, I prayed that He would take me, break me, mold me, make me into what He wanted me to be.  I was at rock bottom and I had made a mess of my life and needed Him to take over. 

Each year has its challenges and there have been gradual changes inside but I’d have to say that this past year was the most vivid because of staying in Scripture, doing daily studying and constant communication with Him.  It is VITAL to the relationship and your maturity in Christ.

Invite Him.  Take that first step of faith and you’ll be surprised what He can do.

 

 

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Fear of Pain?

I was watching Beth Moore today on Life Today.  I usually catch up on her Wednesday show via iTunes.  It’s about a 20 minute segment and I really enjoy it.

She brought up a subject that made a light bulb go off in my head.  How many times has the Lord compelled you to be healed but you won’t take the step of faith because you are afraid of the pain of the process?  That is the biggest lie of the devil.   If we are already in pain, what is there to be afraid of?  God only has our best interest at heart.

I remember for about a year, I wanted to lose weight so badly. I talked to God about it constantly. And I do mean constantly.  Every time I went to get a shower and looked in the mirror, I started dialoguing about how much I would love to be smaller.  Every time I moved, I wanted to be smaller. Everybody I watched on TV made me want to be smaller.  Shopping for clothes was non-existent because it reminded me of how much I wanted to be smaller.  Stuffing my face with junk food just caused more pain because the whole time I ate, I hated myself.

Oh sure, I was 286 lbs and I needed to be smaller.  I begged God for help. I whined about all of the things I could not physically do nor could I afford to do them. This went on for a year.  I can’t tell you the last time I was under 200 lbs, come to think of it.  But I’m sure God was getting His fill of my excuses and whining and fears.

He got my attention to nudge me in the direction of doing what I needed to be doing all along.  In August of last year, I had an acutely inflamed sciatic nerve that just about did me in. I was in pain, a lot of pain.  Every movement was excruciating.  YET, in my mind, I was SCARED of going through the healing process. Sounds ridiculous now that it is in black and white. Well, truthfully, it was ridiculous.

Once the healing began, I have never felt better in my life.  I have my full brain function back. Seriously.  I was having swiss-cheese brain farts and I just figured it was because I was getting older (I’m only 46) but, hey, any excuse’ll do…right?   I am not constantly thinking about my weight.  I can focus where I truly should be focusing…on Christ.

Yesterday marked the first week of being totally free of anti-depressants since 2000.  I prayed about that, too.  Fear of the process?  Yes, I was scared. I admitted that outright to the Lord and asked for His help daily.  Totally different from when I was running from the pain of getting healthy. This was something I truly wanted to be free from.

God can do amazing things if we let Him.  He’s not the kind of God to force His will upon us. He has given us free will.  He lovingly and patiently waits until we take the first step of faith. He will then move mountains to help us.

Focus

I just love the way God put so many scenarios in Scripture for us to be able to go by.

Do you have issues with fear?  So did many of the patriarchs and the disciples.

Do you have sin in your life that is unforgiveable?  Hardly. Did you check out King David’s life? (2 Samuel 11) He is called “a man after God’s own heart” yet he committed adultery with a married woman, got the woman pregnant and then had her husband moved to the front of the battle and killed. So he takes Bathsheba to be his wife.  The Lord is very displeased and the baby died 7 days after birth.

Do you have “open mouth, insert foot” syndrome?  So did the apostle Peter…until the Lord changed him.

Peter is a great example to me. He was brash but Jesus made him bold in the Spirit. He did great things for God.

Matthew 14:22-32 (NIV), tells the story of Jesus walking on water.  The part of the story I want us to notice is Peter.

22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of Him to the other side, while He dismissed the crowd. 23 After He had dismissed them, He went up on a mountainside by Himself to pray. (don’t you think that if Jesus felt it necessary to go pray alone to the Father, that we should, too?)   Later that night, He was there alone, 24and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. (can’t you just see it???  Jesus strolling on the water like it’s no big deal…well, because to the Creator of the universe, it’s not a big deal) 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

27But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

28“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

   29“Come,” he said.

   Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” He said, “why did you doubt?”

When he saw the wind…

He took his eyes off the Lord Jesus and began to sink.

I found myself doing that yesterday.  I kept focusing on being off anti-depressants for the 2nd day and I kept focusing on me. I have been dependent on anti-depressants for 12 years. I was scared. I took my focus off Jesus and began to focus inside. You do realize what happens when we do that, right?  We implode.

Our pain, fears, problems and itty bitty quirks are no match for a mighty God.  He is big enough to handle it. Give Him all of your issues, let Him deal with them. Focus on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our Faith (Hebrews 12:2).  Stay focused.  It is the only way to survive.

The Next Phase Begins

January 28, 2012 – – This morning I got up with my back aching. I think it was because I had been in bed for over 12 hours.  I just love sleeping in on Saturday mornings. Unfortunately, we went to bed around 9:30 so my back didn’t quite like me flopping around like a fish on dry land.

I have been doing a lot of praying about coming off anti-depressants. I have changed my diet drastically and have upped the game to try and gain some control over the pain in my hips.

I am skipping any meat that is not organic and I am trying more raw veggies and organic foods. This is the second day of my 7 day trial regarding the meat.  I noticed when I put my leg into the shower, I didn’t wince.  I drank two raw organic eggs for breakfast.  I ate non-GMO organic long grain brown rice, pinto beans and raw organic onions for lunch.  We are eating organic steak for dinner.

One thing that makes me nervous about going off anti-depressants is that I have dysthymia. I had it all of my life until I finally got help in 2000. I’ve been on Cymbalta for roughly 6 years.  It has worked for me. The only thing that bugs me about it is that I have no emotion.  I don’t get angry, upset, happy, sad.  It has to be something monumental to make me cry.  I almost have the emotional composition of a man.  I do remember life before anti-depressants. I had panic attacks. I cried at the least little thing.  I wore my feelings on my sleeve.  I had weird hallucinations at night. I stayed guilt-ridden and wanted to hide from people. Not pleasant.

I did a lot of research about Cymbalta and there is a website http://www.cymbaltawithdrawal.com and some of the issues people have had coming off this drug scares me.  I’m going to have to do a lot more praying before I take the first step.

Depression runs in my family. Mental issues run in my family.  I keep wondering if this is all a pipe dream and I should just leave well enough alone.

I need definite confirmation from God before I move forward on coming off Cymbalta because I will need His help if that is the path I am headed. He’s gotten me this far. I know I can count on Him–He won’t lead me wrong.

 

 

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