Our church recently started a new Beth Moore Bible study called “Stepping UP: A journey through the Psalms of Ascent.” When I first heard the title, I thought it sounded rather boring and I had planned to take another Bible study elsewhere.
God, obviously, had other plans. Sunday night I found myself in the study, hungering for a Word from the Master.
Something Beth said that I needed so badly hit me like a ton of bricks. “Insecurity and self-loathing are a form of PRIDE.” Wow! I have been insecure most of my life but lately since joining the praise team and singing in front of the church, that insecurity and self-loathing has just eaten me up.
What a revelation! What freedom! I thought that I was being humble. That is obviously NOT humility, according to the Word of the Lord.
What a difference between Sunday morning and Sunday night. Sunday morning, I could not get it together to save my life. Every time I moved the music stand, papers flew and I could not get off the platform fast enough for the pastor to begin preaching. I was invited out to eat but didn’t have any money so I politely declined and told them that I had to show property. I did show property, but it was later on. I could not get comfortable during the service to save my life. I cried all the way home. All I could think of was that I was a failure and I hated myself for it.
Sunday night, after hearing that Word, I felt so free. I can’t explain it. I am free to worship God and come before Him without shame. I bring what I can “to the table” and He will take care of the rest.
Monday night was our first praise team practice after Christmas holidays and I let go and sang and praised and worshipped God. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time. I was so full of joy, inexpressible joy…that I felt like I was going to explode. I was feeling what Beth describes as “there ain’t no high like the Most High” and I did not want it to end.
As I’m sharing this, a thought occurred to me. Is that what Heaven is like? If so, I cannot wait to get there! What a rush!
I will say this with utmost certainty: God is NEVER boring. He gives us glimpses of Himself and peels back layers as we are ready and I look forward anxiously to His next revelation.