I was watching Beth Moore today on Life Today. I usually catch up on her Wednesday show via iTunes. It’s about a 20 minute segment and I really enjoy it.
She brought up a subject that made a light bulb go off in my head. How many times has the Lord compelled you to be healed but you won’t take the step of faith because you are afraid of the pain of the process? That is the biggest lie of the devil. If we are already in pain, what is there to be afraid of? God only has our best interest at heart.
I remember for about a year, I wanted to lose weight so badly. I talked to God about it constantly. And I do mean constantly. Every time I went to get a shower and looked in the mirror, I started dialoguing about how much I would love to be smaller. Every time I moved, I wanted to be smaller. Everybody I watched on TV made me want to be smaller. Shopping for clothes was non-existent because it reminded me of how much I wanted to be smaller. Stuffing my face with junk food just caused more pain because the whole time I ate, I hated myself.
Oh sure, I was 286 lbs and I needed to be smaller. I begged God for help. I whined about all of the things I could not physically do nor could I afford to do them. This went on for a year. I can’t tell you the last time I was under 200 lbs, come to think of it. But I’m sure God was getting His fill of my excuses and whining and fears.
He got my attention to nudge me in the direction of doing what I needed to be doing all along. In August of last year, I had an acutely inflamed sciatic nerve that just about did me in. I was in pain, a lot of pain. Every movement was excruciating. YET, in my mind, I was SCARED of going through the healing process. Sounds ridiculous now that it is in black and white. Well, truthfully, it was ridiculous.
Once the healing began, I have never felt better in my life. I have my full brain function back. Seriously. I was having swiss-cheese brain farts and I just figured it was because I was getting older (I’m only 46) but, hey, any excuse’ll do…right? I am not constantly thinking about my weight. I can focus where I truly should be focusing…on Christ.
Yesterday marked the first week of being totally free of anti-depressants since 2000. I prayed about that, too. Fear of the process? Yes, I was scared. I admitted that outright to the Lord and asked for His help daily. Totally different from when I was running from the pain of getting healthy. This was something I truly wanted to be free from.
God can do amazing things if we let Him. He’s not the kind of God to force His will upon us. He has given us free will. He lovingly and patiently waits until we take the first step of faith. He will then move mountains to help us.