Have you ever had a pity party? I have. Tonight was one of those nights. I had all I could take and shortly after a visit to a funeral home, I let it go. I do not drink, but let me tell you it totally crossed my mind. First, I got angry. I started spewing and shouting in the van. I was not angry at God, but I was angry at my life and I just vented. I went home and as soon as I could get alone, I sat down and just bawled. I guess my husband heard me because he came in and wanted to know what I was doing. “Well, I’m sitting on the floor beside the bed crying….what does it look like I’m doing??” I thought. But I was also praying so I just sputtered, “Praying.” He sat down on the bed and tried to console me. It’s hard for me to cry and get it out when he does that. I know he loves me but being a woman is hard and sometimes we just need to let go. Right?
I ran scenarios through my mind knowing that some of the problems that we are going through could be consequences of our actions. So, I went to the Lord to make sure my sins were confessed and my heart and motives were pure and clean. Then I thought that maybe it was a test of faith or maybe I was not being submissive in my heart. Of course, during this time, the enemy is loving it and is just whispering all sorts of lies and “what if’s” in my head as well.
Realistically, if I wrote a contract, then it wouldn’t close for another 30-45 days. I needed money NOW. Well, close enough to “now.” I have a cell phone bill, an air conditioning repair bill plus our satellite/phone/internet bill due and a house payment by the end of the month. We could swing the house payment, barely, but that was all. What about gas for the van and groceries? And at this point, I had commited to tithing again—not that we had the money but I was determined to trust and obey God and leave the results to Him. He promised that we would receive blessings overflowing that we would not have room to receive them.
I spent an entire day practically working on my resume and cover letter for admin jobs. If you’ve ever had to complete that chore, you know what a chore it really is. First you have to pick a format, then how you convey yourself on your resume and cover letter make all the difference in the world. You certainly don’t want to come off cheesy-sounding or try to be a comedian nor do you want to at any point want to sound negative. Now how hard is it to sound positive when you really don’t want the job but you need it?? Is that an oxy-moron or what?
Finally polished to a decent shine, I sent them off to several ads placed on Craig’s List and waited for the games to begin. I don’t totally trust Craig’s List because I have gotten some wild responses from there but I figured I’d give it a chance once again.
I had floor duty at the office Saturday morning. In the short span of 4 hours, I received a walk-in, cash buyer and a couple who wanted to purchase a $300k condo and need to list their home. God is amazing and He comes through in perfect time, if we obey Him. He doesn’t give us what we want, when we want it. He gives us what we need, exactly when we need it.
If we trust and obey as we should, then God will bless.
Be blessed in the Lord!